I am back after taking a little time off from writing. No sugar coating it. I was at a breaking point. Stressed out. Full of extremely anxious thoughts. End of my rope. You name it. I needed a break, and a major press of the “pause” button. But you know what. As unpleasant as it was…it needed to happen. I needed that cue, that sign. It was time.
In my last post I wrote about worth. I was (and still am to some degree) at a serious crossroads about my calling in life. On top of that, were the affects from constantly handling many of my life’s (kids, hubby, pets etc) duties. This was the recipe for a perfect storm. And storm it did. I became so overwhelmed and stressed that I didn’t even know where to begin.
But begin, I did. First thing I did was pray about it. I prayed. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed for strength, for courage, and for grace. I prayed for God to comfort me. I prayed for help and for Him to show me the way out of my darkness. The next thing I did was to seek out some additional resources to help ease my fears and anxieties and my feelings of hopelessness. A friend reminded me about Dr. Wayne Dyer and his messages of inner peace and living in the now. I picked up three of his books and, while I may not utilize everything I read, I have already realized there are definitely pieces from his writings that most certainly will aid me in my battle with anxiety, and finding my life’s purpose.
The next resource I came across was a game changer. It was something that I have known about for a few years now, but for some reason, it just didn’t capture me at the time. Many of you may have heard of Pastor Rick Warren. His book, “The Purpose Driven Life”, has changed the life of millions. His words and messages of hope, of faith, of God, millions more. I sat down one morning and listened to Pastor Warren and tears filled my eyes. His voice and his message wrapped their arms around me and I felt safe. I felt loved. I felt not so alone. So why now? Why did his message hit me now? While I don’t have an exact answer, this I do know. God brought me there. It was time. Time for an even deeper relationship with Him. Time for learning how to hand over my fears and trust in Him. This, for an anxiety sufferer such as myself, will be one of my hardest challenges. Not because I don’t love God. Not because I don’t trust Him. I do, on both counts. But anyone with anxiety will know what that grip of fear feels like and we just have to fight it that much harder than most. And fight, I shall.
While my problems, and my current status of where I am with my purpose and my calling, are still a work in progress, I can say this. I now have a quest for an even deeper relationship with God, and am letting that take front and center. I truly believe that this is what I need. I believe that maybe, in taking a pause from the pressure I was placing on myself to find a purpose, that it just might actually lead me to one. Combine that with seeking a deeper relationship with God, I truly have faith that I will find it. Or even better yet, it will find me.
Until next time.
*Please note that I am not trying to push my religious beliefs in this post. I respect that each and every one of us has the right to choose to believe in a higher power. I simply wanted to share with you what has been going on, and in sharing, perhaps help someone along the way.