Worth

Do you ever doubt your worth and your true calling?  I would imagine we all do, many times in our lives.  Me, I know I am worthy, but why do I seem to always doubt how others see me?   Am I anything more than mom and wife?  Is my true calling simply to take my children to school and care for our home?  And if this is my calling, am I selfish for wanting more?   I have tried to make new dreams take flight.  But for some reason or reasons,  I keep stalling after I start.  Am I afraid of hard work? Absolutely not. Yet here I am.  Stuck again.  Is it because I’ve been a stay at home mom for most of my adult life?  Is it because I have no job title or degree to attach to my name?  Do most folks see my hopes and ideas merely as small talk?  While I would never expect anyone else to understand or be interested in my passions, I often feel as if few truly are.  And while I will never be one to care if I have many who are, I would be dishonest if I didn’t admit that it would be a good feeling if I were confident in more that do.  I mostly wish, though, that it didn’t bother me so much.  And that is all on me.

I am struggling.  Struggling so much that I had to write it down because keeping it hidden inside is a very heavy anchor to carry.  What does God want me to do? Why does it seem that some fail to see my worth and take an interest in it?  A real interest, not one out of obligation or politeness.  Why is it I often feel I am only there when someone needs something.  Then when what they need is obtained, I am oblivious again.  These are feelings.  Not an invitation or request for sympathy.  I am not that person.  I am just a person searching. This is me.  Right now.  Not asking for sympathy, but for answers, for clarity, for true purpose.  I will keep trying.  It is all I know how to do.

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jmeveritt
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