Do you ever doubt your worth and your true calling? I would imagine we all do, many times in our lives. Me, I know I am worthy, but why do I seem to always doubt how others see me? Am I anything more than mom and wife? Is my true calling simply to take my children to school and care for our home? And if this is my calling, am I selfish for wanting more? I have tried to make new dreams take flight. But for some reason or reasons, I keep stalling after I start. Am I afraid of hard work? Absolutely not. Yet here I am. Stuck again. Is it because I’ve been a stay at home mom for most of my adult life? Is it because I have no job title or degree to attach to my name? Do most folks see my hopes and ideas merely as small talk? While I would never expect anyone else to understand or be interested in my passions, I often feel as if few truly are. And while I will never be one to care if I have many who are, I would be dishonest if I didn’t admit that it would be a good feeling if I were confident in more that do. I mostly wish, though, that it didn’t bother me so much. And that is all on me.
I am struggling. Struggling so much that I had to write it down because keeping it hidden inside is a very heavy anchor to carry. What does God want me to do? Why does it seem that some fail to see my worth and take an interest in it? A real interest, not one out of obligation or politeness. Why is it I often feel I am only there when someone needs something. Then when what they need is obtained, I am oblivious again. These are feelings. Not an invitation or request for sympathy. I am not that person. I am just a person searching. This is me. Right now. Not asking for sympathy, but for answers, for clarity, for true purpose. I will keep trying. It is all I know how to do.