I have lost my inner sunshine, my sense of balance. Have you seen it? I feel as though my thoughts, emotions, current situations, everything…all of them are a part of this massive spinning wheel, like on a game show, and no matter where it lands when it stops, it’s going to be something I am having trouble with. Family. Dogs. Life. Me. Spinning. Spinning. Spinning. I feel as if I simply cannot get, even one of these things taken care of, so that I can free up some time for the others. Or maybe even, just maybe, free up some time for myself. Now there’s a novel idea. I know, often times, that this is simply how life is. Yes, I do. And that rarely do our current situations, comings and goings, etc, fall into a neat and tidy little pattern. But if I can’t find a little bit of calm soon, I think I may explode. It won’t be pretty.
And just like on those game shows, there’s an announcer shouting out “but wait, there’s more!”. Ugh. I was afraid of that. Can anyone guess what that “more” is? That’s ok, I’ll tell ya. For as deep as my bag-o-tricks is (I try to have tips and tricks and the like to help myself out of my assorted pickles) this time, I don’t have any. Nada. Not a one. Now that doesn’t mean I will stop looking for one. And it definitely doesn’t mean I will give up. Oh no no no. There is no I in quitter. Ok, there is one, but it’s lower case. So that’s that. It’s just that I’m tired. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. I want to find a little inner sunshine, a little stability. I am just not sure how. Harrumph.
So why am I posting today, you may or may not be wondering, if I don’t have a solution to offer? Why tell you all about my troubles and not follow through with some ideas to try? I think that maybe it’s because it’s a first step. And you can’t get anywhere without taking one. That I do know. Maybe it’s about laying it all out there, so that you can get a good look at the mess you are in, and then you can rally the troops (in my case my dogs), and one way or another tackle the situation. Sometimes the solution lies in steps, to be continueds (so not a word, but I love it!), so to speak. And as long as you keep showing up to take the next step, hopefully, with some grit and hard work, you will find one. Hopefully I will find that inner sunshine and place of calm and the wheel will become less crowded and life will not be so overwhelming.
Until next time.