To Be or Not To Be

To write or not to write?  That is the question.  I started this blog, in part, after receiving encouragement from several friends and family, because of my passion for writing and my love of photography.  I also knew I needed to dedicate more time to doing something just for me.   I find myself, however, wondering if it really matters.  Yes, I need to follow my heart. Yes,  I know I need to pursue things just for me, but deep down, at times,  I feel so lost and unsure.  I find myself thinking that it will never become anything other than a silly little blog, perhaps only meaningful to a handful of others, and then I realize how terrible that sounds and I am deeply ashamed.

IMG_6587

Humor is my anchor.  I love to laugh. I love that feeling in my stomach when I laugh too hard, and the way it makes stress seem to just melt away.  I love that often times it can turn your day from bad to good, and the way it can make your eyes twinkle.  I use humor to empower my battle with anxiety, and to simply make life just a little bit easier. I thought if I could share that with others, help someone and myself at the same time, what a wonderful thing.  Why, then, am I filled with such uncertainty? Why so much self doubt? I am a strong person.  I’ve had to be for most of my life, even as a child. So where is this insecurity coming from?  Perhaps from living in the shadows of two extremely successful siblings.  Who knew their career paths almost immediately upon arriving to college. I never had that going for me. I had no idea what I wanted to do.  There was no job screaming at me, “this is your calling”.  Perhaps it comes from choosing to be a stay at home mom.  A decision, by the way, I do not regret, not even for a second.  But could be why I am feeling this lack of identity, of purpose, now that my children are young adults.  Perhaps it comes from being married to a successful industrial engineer, who gets raises and promotions and recognition for jobs well done.  I don’t know.  I simply don’t know.  I do know, however, that I can’t go on this way for much longer.  I want to live.  I want to breathe.  I want to help others laugh, and hold their hand when they can’t.  I want to travel and explore and eat cupcakes and French fries ’til I pop.  I don’t want to “not be”.  I want to be.

One thing I am certain of.  I will keep fighting.  And I will keep laughing…many days at myself.  And that’s just fine.  So if you stick around, here with my blog, maybe just maybe we can do some “fighting” together.  I hope we get that chance.  Life is indeed worth fighting for.

Until next time.

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

jmeveritt
3
  1. Cindy

    I Love your Blog. I Love the pics and I love to hear your funnies too. I do understand Anxiety and the uncertain feelings that come along with the. I wonder if sharing your feelings with everyone is opening you up to a bunch of other feeling. You are doing a great job.

    Like

    Reply
  2. Cindy

    obviously I am new to this and don’t know how to edit my comment..lol. Oh well you get the idea I hope.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: